


haze (leave the door unlocked for me)

by nobrainjustchiakienstar



Category: Ensemble Stars! (Video Game)
Genre: Ambiguous Relationships, Character Study, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mild Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-12
Updated: 2020-12-12
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:40:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,779
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27522454
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nobrainjustchiakienstar/pseuds/nobrainjustchiakienstar
Summary: Rinne hadn't been home in days.He wondered for a second if Niki missed him. It's not like he stayed at Niki’s apartment every night, anyway. Just… most nights, and definitely just for the food and the chance that Niki was in the mood for something more. How long had it been since he'd crashed at Niki’s? Three, maybe four nights?Damn, he'd really lost track of time.
Relationships: Amagi Rinne/Shiina Niki
Comments: 12
Kudos: 82





	haze (leave the door unlocked for me)

**Author's Note:**

> i've been sitting on this one for a while... maybe it's a lot of projection, maybe it's another character study angle i don't even know anymore i just wanted it finished and i'm in a rinne mood so here it is
> 
> Edit: fixed some issues. Pro-tip: edit if you finish a draft after letting it sit for four months

Rinne hadn't been home in days.

It's not that he’d been busy with work -- he hadn't been to Ensemble Square either, doing anything _but_ work -- he just had a sudden zest for life that needed an outlet.

He wasn't entirely sure what put out the spark this time. He was having good luck at the pachinko parlor, not even having to dip into his own winnings from yesterday because of a generous “gift” from the wealthy businessman he'd seduced over drinks the night before. Objectively, he should have been pretty pleased with himself -- with money in his pocket for once, a forgettable yet profitable one-night stand behind him, free drinks the night before, and no one bothering him to clean up his act, it's all Rinne ever asked for.

However, despite his winning streak at the pachinko parlor, all Rinne felt was a haze creeping into his mind, thicker than the cigarette smoke around him and impossible to disperse. He won another big prize, but the addicting rush of satisfaction just wasn't coming to him like it normally did. Letting out a heavy sigh, he checked his watch -- he'd only been there for about an hour, the bar wouldn't even be open yet.

Maybe he just needed to sleep. Perhaps he was just tired, or hungover somehow; he'd had some weird bougie drinks and definitely more than just alcohol as far as substances go in his system the night before, after all. He wouldn’t be surprised if a little more than just regret was left lingering.

Rinne redeemed his prizes and exchanged them for cash, running on autopilot and not really registering how much he'd earned as he shoved the folded bills haphazardly into his pocket. He let his feet take him wherever they pleased, aimlessly wandering down the street.

It was still summer, Rinne could definitely feel the heat from the sun soaking into his t-shirt, but a chill had settled somewhere deep in his bones, not allowing the warmth to seep past his skin. He untied the flannel on his hips, shrugging it on and burying his hands in his pockets without bothering to button it up, ignoring the confused glances from people walking past. It felt better, covering himself from the world for a bit.

It wasn't long before he was away from Thyme Street, his legs clearly wanting to carry him as far from people as possible.

He wondered for a second if Niki missed him. It's not like he stayed at Niki’s apartment _every_ night, anyway. Just… most nights, and definitely just for the food and the chance that Niki was in the mood for something more (or so he told himself. Rinne never dared to get his hopes up, Niki was too good for him anyway). How long had it been since he'd crashed at Niki’s? Three, maybe four nights?

Damn, he'd really lost track of time.

He dragged his feet along the pavement, watching the ground beneath him more than the path ahead. Concrete gave way to soft sand, and Rinne glanced up at the ocean stretching to the horizon. He'd been there a couple nights prior, sat on the pier watching the waves crash against the shore, marveling at how vast and beautiful the world around him was as the sun set. He'd even done a toast for the hell of it: “to Rinne-chan!” or something, he couldn't quite remember.

Staring out at the ocean now, he only felt small and insignificant; he wondered where he'd end up if he just let the current carry him where it may. He swore he could feel someone was watching him, waiting for a chance to push him in so he could find out.

Rinne pulled his jacket tighter around his body and kicked some sand half-heartedly as he tore his gaze away from the waves. Moving would hopefully stop the paranoia from setting in.

He tried forcing himself back to Thyme Street, thinking that maybe he just needed to go to a different parlor, get a change of scenery to pick his mood back up and clear the haze in his brain, but as soon as he heard the hustle and bustle of the people moving from shop to shop his hands started to tremble.

Rinne was by no means or stretch of the imagination an anxious person. He was loud, obnoxious, and swore he'd rather people hated him loudly than quietly loved him, and he took great pride in that, even preening when people yelled at him to shut up and sit down; he just couldn't shake the feeling that he needed to get out of there, go home, _escape right now_ \-- even wandering the familiar setting wasn't helping.

He found a bench to sit on after buying a water bottle from a vending machine, hoping water would magically fix his problems like everyone always suggested. Worn out from practice? Have some water, Rinne. Headache? Drink some water, Rinne. Hungover? Did you drink water, Rinne? Of course he didn't, he was drinking _whiskey, Niki._

The water didn't help clear his head, the nagging anxiety didn't stop, and he still felt that deep-set exhaustion in his bones. Rinne swore he might have heard someone ask if he was okay when he was sitting on the bench bent over with his head on his knees, but he couldn't be sure.

He wasn't sure how long he sat on that bench, but when he couldn't take the feeling of being watched anymore (though a glance around when he stood up confirmed that no one was actually paying him any mind) he threw his empty water bottle in a recycling bin, stuffed his hands in his pockets, and promptly left Thyme Street again. He couldn't think straight, couldn't really focus on anything, but he also didn't really care enough to pursue any particular thought. Nothing really mattered. He still felt a chill in his core.

He hated this feeling every time it hit him.

The only place he could really think about where he had a chance of the nagging paranoia going away was Niki's apartment, and his feet started heading that direction minutes before his hazy mind settled on the decision. 

At least at Niki's he could relax. Niki was safe.

By the time he reached Niki's apartment building the sun was starting to set, but even the warm light of golden hour felt filtered through a lens of noise.

He paused at the base of the stairs, suddenly worried that Niki wasn't home. Or perhaps he wasn't welcome back; Niki always called him a freeloader after all. It also wasn't _completely_ impossible that maybe Niki took the few days of Rinne's absence to pack up his few belongings and move to the Ensemble Square dorms… Rinne scolded himself for being ridiculous, Niki wasn't the type to just impulsively pack up and leave.

Right?

He started climbing the stairs but every step was heavy with that _stupid_ anxiety he couldn't shake. Rinne was, by no means, an anxious person. He _knew_ this, but every time one of these hazy lows hit he just couldn't stop the worries and paranoia from creeping in and paralyzing him.

He paused again on the second landing with another worry: should he just act normally when he got to Niki's unit? What _was_ "normal" anyway? Should he knock, or just open the door? He didn't remember if knocking on Niki's door was normal for him or if that action alone would give away that something was wrong. Rinne squeezed his eyes shut and massaged his temples; he was seriously getting a bad headache and it _definitely_ wasn't a hangover. Was Niki even home? What if he wasn't?

Did Niki even want him to come back?

Rinne forced his eyes open, the dimming light of dusk still feeling too bright and making his head throb, and forced himself to start back up the stairs. Every step dragged like he had a huge weight chained to his legs and he had half a mind to turn around and just go find a place to crash in Ensemble Square.

He had no reason to be afraid of seeing Niki. Worst case scenario: Niki wasn't home and Rinne could sit outside and wait for him. Or Niki would yell at him for being gone so long and throw him back out, but Rinne couldn't help but believe he deserved that anyway.

Rinne reached Niki's floor before he could back out, and a familiar aroma signalled that Niki was indeed home, putting at least half of Rinne's anxieties to rest. Rinne couldn't recognize the scent as a particular dish, but only the scent of Niki's cooking could sooth his nerves like this one did. The last stretch to Niki's front door stretched impossibly long as Rinne approached the unit.

What _was_ natural for him anyway? He felt like a different person entirely like this, his memory was failing him and his head just kept throbbing the more he tried to remember. He leaned back on the railing in front of Niki's door and stared at it for a moment, wondering if he should just turn around now, cut his losses and go back to Thyme Street and flirt his way into another hotel room for the night. Maybe he even had enough cash in his pocket to afford one on this own -- he wasn't exactly in the right kind of mood to seduce another businessman tonight. They wanted cute and loud “Rinne-chan” after all, and right now Rinne just wanted to…

Well, he wasn't actually sure what he wanted.

Maybe seeing Niki would help.

With a sigh, Rinne pushed himself up from the railing and tested the door -- unlocked. He pushed it open slowly, shutting it quietly behind himself without announcing his presence.

In the tiny apartment he could already see Niki, but the other hadn't noticed him yet, as he was too engrossed in his cooking. He was clearly having a good time, singing a little song to himself and dancing around the little kitchenette while he checked on various appliances and dug through cabinets. Merely seeing him made Rinne's mood improve just slightly, though he still felt like he was wading through a rising tide, about to drown when safety was just out of reach.

Niki finally turned and spotted Rinne watching him from the entryway, jumping and fumbling his jars of spices before collecting himself and clearing his throat.

"Welcome back, Rinne-kun," he said with a smile that reached his eyes. He was so bright, so _warm_.

Rinne's response died in his throat, but Niki didn't seem to mind as he went back to cooking. Rinne kicked off his shoes before entering the main room and crossing to the kitchen area, where he hardly hesitated to loop his arms around Niki's waist from behind. It was all he could bring himself to do, but Niki knew that sometimes Rinne just needed this. Niki continued working, humming his song to himself again; Rinne buried his face against Niki's shoulder and shut his eyes, finally getting a break from all of the overwhelming stimuli of the day that had been wearing him down further. He inhaled deeply, Niki smelled clean -- he must have just showered before starting to cook -- and the meal he was making had a subtle spice to it behind it’s homey scent. Rinne focused on the vibrations from Niki's humming and the feeling of the muscles in his shoulder moving steadily as he tended to the food. He wondered if Niki could feel his head pounding. 

Niki tipped his head to rest it against Rinne's for a moment before he asked, "Have you eaten?"

Rinne wasn't sure if he was more relieved that Niki wasn't asking him questions about why he was being clingy, or just that Niki wasn't making a big deal about the fact that Rinne had been gone for at least half of a week.

After a few seconds with no response, Niki tried again, "Rinne-kun? When was the last time you ate?"

Rinne squeezed Niki in his arms for a second, acknowledging that he heard the question. He genuinely couldn't remember the last meal he had -- it wasn't earlier that day for sure, since he'd left the hotel room and the businessman without a note just before noon and went straight to the pachinko parlor. His memory of the day before was fuzzy at best, but he didn't recall stopping for food at all then either… so at least two days, if not more. Niki wouldn't be happy about that.

"'m not sure," he replied somewhat-honestly after a long pause.

Niki hummed, his disapproval obvious even if Rinne couldn’t see his expression. "Well, dinner's almost ready. I hope you’re cool with nikujaga tonight, I didn’t have much to work with."

He didn't ask Rinne to let go.

And so he didn’t, instead tightening his hold on Niki as if he’d disappear if given any slack.

“Sounds delicious.” 

It wasn't long before Niki decided the stew was done, and Rinne was hit with a wave of nostalgia as Niki filled two bowls -- Niki had improved as a chef over the last four years, but the dish still smelled the same as it had when Niki made it on the day they met four years prior. Rinne wondered if Niki remembered that day whenever he made nikujaga.

Niki only asked Rinne to let him go when they headed to the table to eat, which they did in silence. It wasn't as awkward as Rinne feared, but he still felt like he had to say  _ something _ to Niki, he couldn't just pretend everything is okay after he’d literally disappeared for days without so much as a note. How shitty must he be as a person to repay all of Niki’s kindness with ungrateful binges out on the town? How could Niki put up with taking care of someone like him, who had proven time and time again that he could and  _ does _ willingly take advantage of his good will?

It’s hard to swallow his food around the lump in his throat.

If making Niki worry makes him feel like shit every time, why did Rinne continue to do it?

Before Rinne could get lost too deep in his own thoughts again, Niki reached across the table and squeezed his hand. Rinne must have lost track of time again, as Niki’s bowl sat empty in front of him and Rinne doubted he could eat  _ that _ quickly.

“I’m sor--”

“I missed you,” Niki squeezed Rinne’s hand. Rinne looked up from his bowl, but Niki averted his gaze to stare intently at the table. “Don’t apologize.”

“Niki…” Rinne’s words died in his throat. He had no right to feel hurt at Niki’s wounded expression, which he caused himself, yet he did. “I’m sorry.” He didn’t know what else to say.

Niki’s grip tightened again. “I said don’t apologize. If you were sorry you wouldn’t have left in the first place without telling me. Again.”

Maybe it was selfish of him, but Rinne shuffled around the table to kneel in front of Niki, their hands still linked between them as they both avoided eye contact.

“I’m sorry,” Rinne mumbled again, “I made you worry.”

“Stop it.”

It was  _ definitely _ selfish when Rinne leaned into Niki’s space, wrapping his arms around his waist and resting his forehead on Niki’s shoulder. He should've been pressing his nose to the floor and begging for Niki’s forgiveness, no matter how unbecoming the gesture was he could never prioritize his dignity over Niki.

“I’m--”

“Rinne-kun,” Niki returned the embrace, tight enough to nearly pull Rinne into his lap, “you don’t have to apologize, I’m not abandoning you. I’m not mad.”

Rinne couldn't form the words to respond. He gripped Niki’s shirt to ground himself.

Niki continued, “I’m not going to leave you, so just tell me when you’re going to disappear again, okay? Or take me with you and we’ll get out of here together.” He brought a hand to Rinne’s hair, stroking it in a way Rinne found much more comforting than Niki probably realized. “I wish you’d ask me for help sometimes.”

There was a long moment of silence: Rinne held onto Niki and Niki held Rinne until their knees ached, at which point Niki turned his head to press a kiss to Rinne’s cheek.

“You smell like a dive bar,” Niki pulled away and sniffed, acting disgusted, “And even cheaper cologne than usual. Let’s get you cleaned up, yeah?”

Why was fate so kind to Rinne to drop him in Niki’s path all those years ago?

**Author's Note:**

> thanks if you read it, i know it was different
> 
> new twitter @ is @shiinyniki!


End file.
